I've come back, to learn, to adapt.
My close friends would know that I used to quarrel (and still do) with my mum a lot when I was in my pre teens and in my teenage years. Our relationship was never good, on the scale of zero to ten, it would be negative.
And through church teachings and books, I've learnt that the hurts in a family, especially one between the parent and the child, can influence how you work, think and act. Some words spoken are carried in your heart, and acted out, whether willingly or unwillingly. They marred you for life. For example, if your mother/father says "you useless child" when you were seven and smashed a bowl in the kitchen, if you choose to carry these words in your heart, you will be hurt, resulting in you carrying a bondage. Bondages exist, and we have to acknowledge them to get over them.
But if won't marr you for life, no it won't. Not if, I choose to go Our Father's way.
I just came back yesterday, and felt the sense of peace. Galv had been praying for me the previous day, against any unhealthy thoughts or thoughts of revoltion of coming back. Yes, I want to come back, and I believe in my heart that it is God's plan, and thus a foothole for the devil to attack.
My parents had yet to come back from China. They were due to come back at night. They were to China with my younger sister to see九寨沟 and take the Three Gorges cruise.
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My parents came back at night. And God still was in my heart, helping me make decisions. I realised that most cupboards are occupied with my mother's clothes, save those in my dad, brother and younger sister's room. With each of them having such one cupboard. As such, I suggested to my mum that she should throw some clothes away, or give them away.

I chose not to quarrel with her, and slept in the guest room downstairs. I was absorbing all these in my thoughts, coming back, no cupboard, messy, dusty. I couldn't stand it. But I kept quiet, for the night. Previously, I would choose to sleep in my room and mine only, and would be bitter if I were forced to sleep in other rooms.

The next day, my mum was (sadly) at home for most of the morning. I feel that it is inconvenient for her to be home as she goes in and out of most of the rooms, and thus I wouldn't have any privacy. the computer is in my room, and she uses it very often, to take clothes, make up, yada.

I started cleaning up the guest room, with loads of LCDs to be stored in the storeroom. I suggested to throw them away, and she insisted that it won't affect me and one day possibly she can find a way to use them. (I would suggest converting them into digital format. Not sure whether the cost would outweigh the benefits though).

And soon, we started quarrel. Oh, what is new. But this time, it was different. I chose to explain to her, instead of walking out shouting due to anger. I told her that a lot of things at home are hers, and she has to throw them away. I said that I think the cupboard should be cleaned up so that you can put the things on the desk inside the cupboards. I told her elder sister doesn't like staying here because things are so dusty. And both of us (and mum too actually) are allergic to dust. (Yes, one can be allergic to dust) This is a house. And she explained that she has been cleaning the storeroom, that she has to do a lot of things, and suggested I asked dad to clean his things too. (She reminds me of Eleanor from the book Parson Harding's Daughter. Eleanor does a lot of the household chores, and laments she has to do all of them when she doesn't allow people to help her with it) And then, the one thing I expected came out.

She said why don't I rent somewhere, it would be better.

Pause for a moment.

I would have chose to absorb it, and dwell in self-hurt. Asking myself why I have such a mother, and considering the option she put out. (Possibly why I ran away from home the first time)

But I chose not to take her words. I listened, and answered: You treat the house as if we are individuals staying in one house. We are a family. I am not biased against you, and I will ask dad to clear his things too.

And I was calm through all those. Relatively calm.

Mum was silent. A sign that she thought about it. A sign that I may be possibly right.

And I see God's love manifested through me.

Remember, that it is always choice, to follow either self, devil or God's.



For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light  
(for the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness, righteousness, and truth), 
 finding out what is acceptable to the Lord.  
Ephesians 5:8-10