I feel like I am like the boy in this movie at times. I feel for the old man who sleeps on the road, who does not have a home, who needs warmth. I want to give him my jacket, but resist, as it is not the social norm.
I thrive when I get someone angry on the mrt, as it brightens my day, as it takes the monotony out of my life, out of my day.
I do not speak as much as I want to, as it is not the social norm to care for people, to ask in depth questions.
I speak too much sometimes, cus I want to create conversation, because I care, but I do not know how to make you talk.
I do not do many things at work, because I am scared I will be out of the norm.
I do not like doing what people do. If people group together, I want to pull apart. If someone is a loner, I want to bring the person in.
I care deeply about certain things, but realised today that I left it back home, and did not bring it here. It hurts.
I want to create something, to execute an idea, but have no strong pull factor for me to do so.
I do not ask you how is your weekend, because I do not want to ask, but I don't mind listening.
I do not like spending money on food. Not because I do not enjoy it, but I feel that there is no point eating expensive food when people do not have good food to eat. The marginal gains to good food is minimal. I prefer my oily but yummy char kuay teow.
I want my work to add value to people's lives, but I do not see how so now.
I do not like it that you do not remember what I said to you twice.
I sought thrill by jaywalking, because I was bored that day.
I care about you, more than you think I would.
And I do not care about you, if you even thought I did.

I feel surpressed. That was what I was talking about in my previous blog post. In every thought. It's like a ball with spikes, having each thought pierced through and torn apart. Having my heart so full of surpression, that it wants to burst one day.

And today, I got a sense of myself. What I left at home. My principles. My passion. My hard-headedness.

I want to achieve something, because I believe in something, not because the world asks me to believe in it, to believe that this country is a great place to work, a good place to settle down.

I get bored. I seek thrill. I want passion.

I want life.