This second part of my trip back to Penang is more of what I learnt out of the trip. Funny huh, that I can learn something that impact me so much on a trip back to where I grew up in.

I had some squabbles with Victor for the first 2 days of the trip. It was more of me teasing him. It got so bad that he got mad at me. We sat down and talked about it for quite some time, and this is what I feel.(What I feel is nothing much that has got nothing to do with our squabbles, but has more to do with self-discovery.)

On the outside, I may seem like a person who has confidence in what I want to do. I also may seem tough sometimes, and very straightforward. But let me tell you what is inside. I am a person who is still clinging on to past hurts, and when someone gets too close to me, there is a possibility that that person may step on one of my hurts. By stepping on one of my hurts, it will trigger an angry outburst from me. This is unsustainable in the long run, as I would not want to live my life being in a state of a bomb at all times.

With these hurts inside me, I am actually incapable of loving people 100%, with all my heart. Nevertheless, I am now on a journey of self-discovery. I am discovering my true identity in Christ, who I am meant to be, and not what my past dictates me to be.

It seems like after all these years of declaring myself as a Christian, I have yet to fully understand what Christ's love and the power of the cross mean. The effect of those 2 things actually means that the Holy Spirit is living in me, and through that, I will be able to change who I am, fas Christ works in my heart. I will be able to find my true identity in Christ, and thus go grow to become more like Christ.

When I was back, I managed to meet up with Bee Lee, Chen Yi and David, and bumped into Mun Wei. It is always good to meet up with old friends. I realised that all of my friends have matured. They hold their own principles in life, and act upon those principles. Last time, I still remember that we were still searching for who we are, and depended on material things and friends to define who we were.

I learnt a lot from Chen Yi. She loves her family very much, and acts on that principle. She wants to earn money in the future not to have a comfortable life, but to give her parents money, to at least repay a little bit of what they have done for her.

Such stories are encouraging, and I thank my friends for being willing to share their story.

It's weird that Chen Yi and I weren't that close during high school, but we still had lots of stuff to talk when we meet up. I think it's because we read each other's blog, that we get to see each other's life in more depth. It was also nice to have a full conversation in Mandarin again! Despite being a kantang(that's what some of my Penang friends say of me...a person who does not speak Mandarin), I prefer to speak Mandarin to my friends, due to my upbringing in a Chinese school for 11 years.

I felt that I can be more of myself in Penang as compared to in Singapore. Probably because there is the familiarity of the environment and friends in Penang. Why can't I be myself in Singapore? I will figure out soon enough.

Throughout this trip, I only had 1 squabble with my mum! It's amazing, haha. She has changed A LOT since the start of this year. When I shout at her, she does not scold me, but instead, she will just reply in a normal talking tone.

I think that absence makes the heart fonder. I had to bring my friends around this time round in Penang, thus I didn't have much time to spend with my family. On the last day in Penang, my mum asked me(in a normal talking tone): "Where are you having your dinner? Have you dinner at home la, you have no time to spend with your family." I was quite touched. Last time, she would have said something like this(grouchily):"Aiya, you go and have dinner with your friends la."

She is also very hospitable now. She allowed Jiching to stay with us! Last time, even if my brother or my sister or my friend come over, she would not be very happy about it because she thinks that we will make a lot of noise and disturb her. She also did not like us going to our friends house because she thinks that we would disturb their family.
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My family and my Singapore friends had dinner on one of the nights. And through that dinner, I could see that the personality of my siblings and I are quite different. I'm the one that shouts and complains a lot, my sister tries to be funny(succeeding at times) and my brother tries to keep calm and cool, like the "Yo Mama" kind, but loses his composure from time to time. I'm proud to be part of this, a group of siblings with different personalities, but yet, we still manage to live with each other for donkey years.

I'm glad that everything ended on a good note, and I want to thank my family and my friends (both from Penang and Singapore) for enlightening me about myself and about others. =)

Good news to share with all of you...
  1. Yik Hung got offered a double degree offer from SMU! It's a double degree in Business and Economics. He just went for his admission interview this Monday, and SMU replied him so quickly. SMU must want him pretty desperately, haha. I only got my reply for SMU 2 months after the admission interview. Now we've gotta pray that he gets the Lee Kong Chian Scholarship from SMU. =) His final interview is next Tuesday.
  2. Lim Wei Jie got into NUS Science!!! I'm so happy for him. I think that getting into NUS Science is not an easy feat. Hope that he will be able to cope with the workload when he starts studying here.
  3. I got back all my results for this term, and I have to thank God that my GPA has improved as compared to the last term. Thanks to my friends for helping me out, and my family for not pressuring me to get better results.