DISCLAIMER: True blue Singaporeans beware. You may get pissed reading this. If you are patriotic, above 21, went through NS and loved it or have no clue about the immediate country up North, I advice you NOT TO READ.

I was watching a TV drama named "This Is My Home" on Channel 5. I saw the advert of it, and thought that it would be interesting to watch, since it's about a girl who left Singapore when she was young for the US, and returned to Singapore when she was in her late teens.

The reason they have this drama is because Singapore National Day is approaching, and this is part of the country's propaganda. To spread the patriotism that all Singaporeans should embrace. (It is not a feeling that I'm used to, and I cringe whenever someone is patriotic about Singapore.)

The lead in the show, Grace, who came back from the US for a summer break, couldn't get used to Singlish, the local food and the local culture (She went picnicking on the grass near the HDB blocks :S). She wanted so much to go back to the US. But eventually, she got used to everything Singaporean, and embrace its culture.

There was one line Grace mentioned in the show which I like, and feel a sense of connection to:

"It doesn't matter what country you choose, so as long as you are with your family."

But for those who study abroad, there is a likelihood that we would stay in that country, leaving your parents, siblings. Brighter future, relationships established...*thoughts trail off*

I think I have brought up such themes before, like where can I truly call home and the feeling of missing home. Hur, I'm a confused individual you know. Having Singaporean citizenship and growing up in Malaysia. =.=' When I decided to come to Singapore to study, I felt peace. I know that God wants me here. At the same time, I felt as if I was going home. After 15 years, finally, I get to go home. But (a big but) after a few months after I arrived here, I felt out of place. What is this? I never knew this before. I never knew that I actually speak relatively good English. I never knew that some Singaporeans are not familiar with Malaysia's geography ("Where's Penang exactly?"), I never knew that you all say "syok" rhyming with "oak" instead of rhyming with "box" (and again, it makes me cringe whenever someone says it). This is not home. Home is where/whom I miss. And this wasn't home.

Irony.

To feel secure, I started holding on to certain things that I'm familiar with. When we leave home and stay at foreign place, we would want to hold on to something that we are familiar with. An old thing, a navel piercing, an accent or just an old habit to remind us that we are still that same person. Grace, the lead in the show, held on to her accent and culture. But the thing is, when we leave home, things do change. I change. And I realise at a point in time, that it is okay to change, and it is okay to get used to the culture (which I still get pissed at every now and then) here. And it's probably okay to call this place "home" (omg to the thought of it. So impossible now, but maybe in the future) one day.

I'm still a confused individual for now, but it's okay. People usually muddle through life quite a bit before realising stuff anyway.

:)

"But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ"
~Philippians 3:20~